mave’s

There were 3 words I could used to describe me in the past
Excellence, Passion, Color.

I put in my best in everything I did
but I didnt like the high expectations which branded me.

As I grew up
I became tired and wary of how people looked at me

They always expected the best of me
which many a times I thought I couldnt match up

I wanted to be like so and so,
I couldnt bring myself to be me.

The mavis who loved art colors and music
but suppressed the passion so that she could blend in with the crowd

I didnt like to stand out so I could make myself fair just ok
make it just a little above the mark
so that I wouldnt be noticed.

When I decided to take on Yahlan’s offer to take a break from leadership
I thought, finally, I dont have to lead in any way anymore.

The more I wanted to step down from the high profile
the more I died on the inside.

What Jason and Shaun said really carved something in me
that I am sunshine
that God’s gift will always emerge and come running back to me even no matter how much I try to shut it behind the door and lock it up with chains and padlocks.

Today while I was surfing through blogs,
a sudden faith came back into my heart.

I feel like new wineskin.

I feel like a changed person.

I want to be who I was, and even better,
I want to be who God made me to be.

God is a God of second chances,
and this day shall be a day that Mavis comes back.

And here we are,
2.5hours to Jason’s birthday! (: